There was a boy who wanted to learn how to throw a football.

The father tried several times to teach his son how to throw, but when they went outside to practice, his son would just goof off.

When his dad would throw the ball, his son would fall to the ground, roll around, and pretend he was a dog chewing on a stick. 

When it was his son’s turn to throw, the father would say, “That’s not how you throw a football.”

Instead of changing his grip, the boy would drop the ball on the ground, and start kicking it around the yard.

This dad would become so angry at his son’s behavior, that he would start screaming at him to stop goofing off and to listen.

His wife would hear all the yelling, and would become upset that he was treating their son that way.

I listened as this dad was telling me that he did not want to try and help his son anymore, because it left him feeling like he was failing as a father. 

I told him that he probably intimidated his son.  I’ve seen it many times.

I explained, that when a child’s actions are very inappropriate or “crazy”, there is almost always something else happening that we do not see.

We tend to dismiss behavior as irrational and over-reactive. When really, our kids are having an immature response to a very normal human experience.

In this case, I was guessing that his son was embarrassed that he could not throw a football. In his mind, he would rather look like a goofy kid pretending to be a dog, than having to feel his father’s disappointment when he could not throw a football.

I suggested that this father try again with his son, but to do a few things differently...

• Before they start, tell his son that he loves spending time with him, and that no matter how the ball is thrown, he's still an amazing kid.

• He needed to remember that when his son started with the goofy behavior, it was likely because he was feeling insecure. That was a sign to take a moment and reassure his son how much he believed in him.

• He needed to be patient and work at not showing disappointment, because his son would need to see that even when he did not know how to do something, his father still liked him.

 
It took some time, practice, and patience, but the last time I talked to that father, he said his son could throw a pretty good spiral.